


the last piece

by noneoftherestofitmatters



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Smut, a little bit of tasha's backstory, im really sorry i did this lmao, tasha's pov, top!patterson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 20:39:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14245302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noneoftherestofitmatters/pseuds/noneoftherestofitmatters
Summary: Tasha doesn't deserve to be forgiven and she always pushes people away by hurting them. This time is no different.orwhat happens when Tasha's drunk and miserable and ~someone~ shows up at her door.





	the last piece

**Author's Note:**

> so this begun as my first attempt in writing angst and ended up being my first smut too. i don't even know how this happened and i'm really doubting this whole story, but since i already wrote it, here it is. i really hope you like it.
> 
> ((as usual, this is unbetaed and english is not my first language. so please forgive my mistakes and be nice, i appreciate))

Tasha was tired. She was tired of everything. She was tired of always trying to do the right thing and ending up doing the opposite. She was tired of caring so much about everyone and always ending up hurting them. She was tired of feeling miserable all the time, guilty all the time. She was tired of her life, of her job, of herself. She was simply and completely tired.

As the agent emptied her seventh glass of whisky of the night, she didn’t even feel it burning down her throat anymore. She was drunk, but unfortunately still overly sober, because it didn’t matter how much alcohol she put inside her, it never seemed to be enough to make her forget about the last events in her life.

She had lost her best friend and as if that wasn’t enough for one day, she also told Reade she was in love with him. What kind of self-destructive person was she? She knew Reade was engaged and would never return her feelings. She didn’t even know if she actually wanted him to… Tasha didn’t know why she told him because, honestly, she didn’t want him and Meg to break up. She confessed her feelings in the most non-romantic way, it was almost like she did with the intention of destroying herself.

Patterson’s words resounded in her head… “I think you’re just someone who can see things objectively, without friendships or emotions getting in the way.” She sighed. Patterson couldn’t be more wrong. Everything Tasha did, her every move and every word was because she cared. She cared so much her first instinct was to hurt herself so everyone else could be safe and happy.

But after she heard that from her best friend, it appeared like she wanted to prove a point to herself. She wanted to be the person Patterson thought she was. She wanted to be the cold-hearted agent who only cared about her job and anything or anyone else. So Tasha attempted to destroy her friendship with Reade by telling him she was in love with him. That way he would see what kind of person she was and walk away from her mess. Also, that was why she told him she wouldn’t be his best man anymore and that he should tell Meg everything.

Meg… The woman with whom she’s been developing a friendship for the last months. The woman who was a perfect fit for her friend. The woman who didn’t deserve to have her life ruined by someone like Tasha. What Tasha told Jane that day was right… She didn’t deserve to be forgiven, not by Reade and even less by Patterson.

She had lied to her best friend. To the only person who knew everything that was to know about her. She betrayed the person who she trusted the most, who she loved the most. She didn’t deserve forgiveness. What Tasha deserved was to live alone, so she wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore. Because that was what she did: she hurt people just by being next to them.

Tasha remembered her childhood. She started hurting people when she was five and her father walked away on her, her mother and two younger brothers. At such young age, Tasha had to learn how to take care of herself and her brothers, once her mother was an alcoholic. Through her entire childhood, Tasha heard how useless and weak she was every time her mother had too much to drink. And even though she tried her best to do everything perfectly, it was never enough.

Things started to be a little better when she was twelve and Isabel moved to the house next to hers. Isabel quickly became Tasha’s best friend. They had the same age and attended the same school and that was the first time Tasha had a real friend. Isabel became a fundamental part of her life, bringing sanity and consistency into it. Tasha and Isabel used to do everything together, they were never apart. When Tasha was sixteen, she realized she loved Isabel more than in a friendly way… Without understanding what it meant, she kept her feelings to herself until Isabel’s eighteenth birthday, when Tasha decided she couldn’t hold it back anymore.

She confessed her feelings to Isabel after everyone had left the party, while the two of them enjoyed the night sky together. And that was when Tasha lost her best friend and her entire world. She hurt Isabel so much, they never spoke again. Tasha moved from her mother’s house, deciding she couldn’t take care of her family anymore.

After that, Tasha never loved someone like she loved Isabel.

She also remembered Andy, her partner from the NYPD. When they got partnered together, Tasha hated him. As the only Latina woman of the NYPD, she built her career on her own. She never trusted anyone, never relayed in anyone. But Andy quickly broke all of her walls. He was a sweet, funny and brave man, the kind you didn’t see often, even less in the law enforcement.

But Tasha was lucky enough to have him as her right (and sometimes left) hand. They became friends and before she even realized, Tasha was part of his family. He and his wife took care of her like she was their oldest daughter and Tasha never felt safer in her life. She never had anyone to look after her, she had always been the one to take care of others and neglect herself. But with Andy everything was different. 

It was a Thursday night when they received the call. Tasha and Andy responded to it instantly. It was a domestic abuse case and those always made her nervous, but Tasha tried not to think about it as she followed her partner inside of an old house. After they got in, everything went too fast and when she realized what was happening, Andy was already bleeding on the floor.

He died in her arms, she couldn’t do anything to help it.

Tears rolled down her face as Tasha realized everyone she had ever loved was gone from her life because of her. Her father, Isabel, Andy, Reade, Patterson… She didn’t deserve to be loved.

A knock on the door made her wipe the tears from her face quickly and get up from the couch. It was late and Tasha had no idea who could possibly want to see her. She reached for her gun, which was inside of the cabinet near the door and peeked through the peephole. When she saw who it was, her heart seemed to stop and she froze.

After another knock, Tasha regained consciousness and put away the gun. She opened the door cautiously, taking a deep breath. Her eyes found Patterson’s.

“I’m sorry for coming here this late”, Tasha heard the other woman say after staring at her for a moment.

“What do you want?” She asked coldly.

“I needed to see you.”

“Well, here I am.” Tasha responded.

She had a lot to drink and she didn’t feel like she could deal with Patterson at that moment. She didn’t want to seem rude, but the other woman didn’t deserve her. Tasha had to make sure to keep her out of her life.

“Can I come in?” Patterson asked.

Tasha looked down for a second, “I’d rather you didn’t.”

“Well I don’t care about what you would or wouldn’t rather,” the blonde woman said as she pulled Tasha away and entered her apartment.

Tasha just sighed and closed the door behind her, following Patterson to the living room.

“So you’re drinking yourself to oblivion?” The scientist snapped at her, pointing to the whisky bottle on the center table.

Tasha didn’t answer, she took the glass and filled it, drinking all of its content. After putting the glass back on the table, she stared at the other woman defiantly.

“Okay, fair enough,” Patterson said, “Why are you doing this to yourself, Zapata?”

Again, Tasha didn’t answer. She wasn’t even sure she understood the question, so she just looked back at Patterson with a questioning look.

Patterson continued, “Why are you trying to destroy yourself?” The blonde woman paced around the center table, as if she was trying to calm her nerves. “Why are you trying to get yourself killed?”

At that question Tasha fidgeted. She knew she was being even more reckless on her missions since everything that happened with Patterson and she wasn’t sure why she was acting like that, but she knew it also didn’t matter, because the team has been successful several times mainly because of her.

“Why do you put yourself in the crossfire every damn time? Why are you always making the riskier moves and volunteering to the most dangerous tasks?”

Tasha listened quietly while Patterson pointed out every stupid thing she was doing lately.

“Why did you tell Reade you had feelings for him at the worst time possible? Why did you tell him you wouldn’t be his best man anymore? Why did you push him out of your life?”

Patterson seemed bitter. The way she spoke, spilling everything out like that, made Tasha uncomfortable.

“Why did you do all this Zapata?”

Hearing her (ex) best friend call her 'Zapata' outside of work hurt in a way Tasha couldn’t explain. It hurt more than everything she was saying. It hurt her deeply to know and to feel how angry Patterson was with her. Patterson, who was always so sweet, so comprehensive, so lovely, hated her. And that made her hate herself even more.

“WHY?” Patterson screamed.

Tasha looked at her and she had tears clouding her ocean blue eyes. Seeing the other woman cry was like being stabbed.

“Because I’m like this, Patterson!” Tasha finally answered, tears streamed down her face the second she said her friend’s name. “I always fuck everything up. I always hurt everyone and make everyone walk away from me! Okay? I’m toxic. I’m like a disease who manages to poison and kill everything I touch.”

There was a heavy moment between them after Tasha finished. She was crying and Patterson seemed frozen. The brunette sat on the couch, covering her face with her hands, unable to control her sobs. After a while, she felt a warm hand in her shoulder and then Patterson sat next to her, caressing her shoulder lightly.

“That’s not true Tasha…” The scientist whispered.

“It is! Why are you even here Patterson? I lied to you, I betrayed you. YOU, my best friend. I screwed up again, just as I did my whole life.”

Tasha was sobbing. The alcohol in her blood preventing her from being ashamed of doing it in front of someone. Patterson’s hand was still softly on her shoulder, caressing her, trying to calm her down. But that same hand felt like it was burning her, because she didn’t deserve that touch. So she shrugged away from Patterson but the other woman reached out for her immediately. Tasha fought against it but ended up embraced by her friend.

While she cried, Patterson held her firmly and whispered her calming words. Tasha didn’t know how long it took for her sobs to ease, but eventually they did. She wanted to move away from Patterson, the feeling of embarrassment finally taking over her, but the other woman’s arms were holding her tightly.

“You’re okay Tash, I promise…” She heard Patterson say as she caressed her back softly.

God, Tasha missed her so much. She missed everything about her, from her nerdy comments to the way she called her “Tash”. And even though she didn’t feel like she deserved her, Tasha couldn’t help but feel at home again.

Eventually, Patterson released her from the embrace but reached for her hands instantly. Tasha didn’t dare to look up, so she fixed her gaze in their intertwined fingers.

“Why are you really here Patterson?” She asked with her voice hoarse from crying, she needed to know.

“Look at me,” Patterson said making Tasha raise her eyes reluctantly. When their eyes met, a tear rolled down the blonde woman’s cheek, she sighed and continued, “You can’t keep trying to destroy yourself, Tasha. I can’t let you do that.”

“Why?” Tasha asked, still holding Patterson’s gaze, but taking her hand out of her hold. She shouldn’t let Patterson in again, what she did to her was unforgivable and knowing herself, she would end up hurting her again.

“Because I can’t be responsible for you getting hurt!” Patterson replied honestly.

“I won’t.” Tasha said harshly, running her hands through her hair.

“You have no way of knowing that, Tasha! If you continue to act like you are, you’ll get yourself killed.”

“And that won’t be your fault Patterson, so just drop it.”

“You know I can’t do that!”

“Why’s that though” Tasha asked again, her eyes firmly staring at the blue orbs in front of her. “After everything I did to you, you were the one to say the only kind of relationship you and I could have was a work one. This,” she said gesturing between them, “Is not a work relationship.”

Patterson looked hurt, more tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Tasha hated seeing her cry, but she had to do this. She had to make sure Patterson stayed away from her. The brunette got up from the couch and reached for the whisky bottle. Suddenly, she felt Patterson’s hand on her wrist stopping her.

“WHAT THE HELL?” Tasha shouted.

“STOP!” Patterson shouted back, still holding her wrist firmly, “You don’t get to talk to me like this, Zapata. You were the one who screwed everything up! You were the one who lied to me! And now you’re acting like a fucking child and trying to get yourself killed!”

Tasha widened her eyes hearing Patterson curse. She looked from the other woman’s hand on her wrist to her eyes.

“If you die, Zapata, how do you think everyone will feel? Do you think we’ll be happy? Do you think we’ll have a goddamn party at your fucking funeral?” Patterson said and released her grip on Tasha’s wrist violently. She approached her slowly, looking down at the slightly shorter woman, “The answer is no. So I forbid you to die on us. I forbid you to be so damn reckless and stupid all the freaking time. I forbid you to look like you’re the one who’s hurting, because you’re not! Do you hear me Zapata? I forbid YOU to die on ME.”

Tasha felt threatened, she never saw Patterson talk like that. She never imagined Patterson got it in her, that kind of anger. Her piercing blue eyes seemed like they were making a hole in Tasha’s soul, so she looked down and regretted as soon as she heard Patterson speak again.

“LOOK AT ME!”

Tasha complied, instantly raising her gaze.

“You can’t leave me.”

It was just then that Tasha realized how close they were standing. She could feel the heat from the other woman’s body and it was… Exciting? As she maintained Patterson’s gaze, Tasha saw blue eyes falling to look at her… lips? And then rise again to stare back at her.

“You can’t leave me,” Patterson whispered.

Tasha nodded without realizing it. The tension between the two women was palpable, but Tasha was oddly drawn to it. Suddenly, Patterson’s lips were on hers, her hands were holding her cheeks and her body was so close it sent a shiver throughout Tasha. The brunette didn’t even think, her hands found Patterson’s waist on their own and she brought her even closer. The blond woman moaned, hungrily deepening the kiss.

Tasha kissed her back; all her senses were on fire as Patterson’s tongue entered her mouth delicate and determinedly at the same time. She couldn’t breathe, all of her body was focused only in returning that kiss with all that she had. Patterson’s hands moved from her cheek to the back of her head, caressing her nape and pulling her hair softy to reach a better angle for the kiss. Tasha grasped the blonde woman’s waist, holding onto it for dear life.

They stumbled as Patterson pushed Tasha back, until her back reached a wall. Without breaking the kiss, Patterson grabbed both her wrists and put them above her head. Tasha panted as the other woman moved her lips to kiss and bite her jawline. The brunette felt every fiber of her body vibrate and the throbbing between her legs was almost painful. As she tried to move her hands, Patterson’s grip tightened, making her whimper. She didn’t know how much she could last, she never felt so turned on by so less in her life, it was almost embarrassing.

But Tasha didn’t have time to think about it for much longer, because Patterson released her wrists and stopped kissing her jaw, reaching hungrily for her collar. As soon as they were free, Tasha’s hands moved to unbutton Patterson’s blouse, but her fingers were trembling so much she couldn’t do it, so she just opened it with one harsh movement, making all of the buttons fly to the floor. Patterson moved to get rid of her blouse and threw it to the floor, instantly doing the same to Tasha’s black t-shirt.

They took a moment to look at each other, Patterson’s blue eyes were black with desire and Tasha could swear she had never seen anything sexier in her entire life. Soon, they were kissing again and their hands wandered through their upper bodies. Instinctively, Tasha moved her legs so one of them was between Patterson’s and that earned her a deep moan from the other woman.

Patterson cupped Tasha’s ass, bringing her impossibly closer and making her moan shamelessly. At that, the brunette undid the other woman’s bra, taking it off quickly. Not wanting to waist another minute, she also undid her own and throw it to the floor where the rest of their clothes were. Patterson took her by the wrists again, putting her arms above her head. With a look, she told Tasha to keep them up and Tasha didn’t dare to move. Patterson took one of Tasha’s nipples in her mouth and caressed it with her tongue, the brunette closed her eyes firmly and bit her lower lip. After a while, Patterson moved to the other nipple and Tasha couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please,” she spoke for the first time since they kissed.

Patterson released her nipple with a ‘pop’, “What?” She asked, her voice huskier than Tasha’s ever heard.

Tasha opened her eyes and found Patterson staring at her, she looked so damn beautiful. Tasha had her arms up, she was completely exposed, but she didn’t feel bad giving up control. That was new.

“What?” Patterson repeated herself when she didn’t answer.

“Patterson…” Tasha begged.

“I asked you,” The scientist said while putting her leg between Tasha’s, “What?”

Tasha closed her eyes at the contact of the other woman’s leg with where she wanted her most. Fuck it, she couldn’t take it any longer, “Please Patterson,” She opened her eyes then, focusing on the eyes in front of her, “Make love to me.”

At that, Patterson kissed her deeply intertwining their hands together, she brought Tasha’s arms back down and then released them, signaling that Tasha was allowed to move again. Patterson unbuttoned Tasha’s jeans, Tasha did the same and then each woman get rid of their shoes and pants. They stopped for a moment, both breathless in their underwear.

“Bedroom?” Tasha asked.

“No.” Patterson said and resumed their kissing violently.

Soon, it all became too much again and both women were panting. Tasha couldn’t stay another minute without Patterson, she was throbbing, and the other woman seemed to sense that because with a quick move she had her fingers in Tasha’s folds. Tasha moaned, the feeling of being touched so overwhelming she almost fell, the only thing preventing her from collapsing to the floor was Patterson’s body against her own.

The blonde woman started to move her fingers, while she kissed Tasha slowly. The combination of Patterson’s taste, with the feel of her body and also her touch sent Tasha over the edge more quickly than she expected and, suddenly, she came with Patterson’s first name on her lips.

Patterson held her through the waves of pleasure, but as soon as Tasha’s breathing eased, the other woman faced away. Tasha watched as she put on her bra and then her pants. When the scientist picked her blouse from the floor and saw that it was ruined, she tossed it back and put Tasha’s t-shirt on instead. Then, she sat on the couch to put on her shoes. After doing so, Patterson filled the empty glass with whisky and drank it in one move, leaving the glass on the center table again.

She left without a word before Tasha could even process what was happening.

As soon as she saw herself almost naked and alone in her living room, after the best orgasm of her life, tears started rolling down her face vigorously.

What did she do? How did that happen? What did it mean?

She didn’t know any answer and she felt more alone than ever before.

Had she used Patterson? Did she have feelings for her? Would Patterson ever look at her again?

Tasha was clueless and she felt worse than before. Still crying, she picked Patterson’s ruined blouse from the floor and smelled it closing her eyes. Not bothering to pick the other clothes up, she went to bed a moment later.

She slept clinging to the last piece of Patterson she had left.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm hiding myself under a rock now, that's it.  
> also, i'm kind of sorry for how this one ended??? but that's life, kids, you asked for the angst.
> 
> please leave me a comment, even if you hated it, just remember to be nice.
> 
> you can find me on twitter and on tumblr, but i'm hidden under a rock, so no usernames this time lmao


End file.
